By Tracey Anderson Askew, Director of Transform Parenting
I will admit, I’m a total nerd when it comes to the science of the mind. I have a real affinity with Joe Dispenza’s work, as he integrates science with the very real task of learning to ‘change your mind’ on a subconscious level, which leads to a change of feeling, a change of behaviour and potentially a change in the way you experience life. It all starts in the mind.
Our minds are like a super computer that seems to have a firm grip on our reality. Have you ever experienced an event with a friend, and when you talk about it later, you each have experienced it totally differently? I think that is fascinating and begs the question – how can I change my mind to suit the reality of what I would like to create in my life?
Welcoming a baby into the world is such a precious time in a family’s life. COVID lurking in our psyches and the very real experience of having your life change so quickly can potentially diminish one of the most amazing life experiences you will ever have, so I have been running some free zoom sessions for pregnant couples to ‘stay relaxed and excited about birth,’ during this period of lock down. Every couple who attends the sessions has a different set of circumstances that they are contending with during these times, and I have been guiding people through a process of checking in on their reality, and perhaps changing it if it is creating unnecessary avoidable stress.
I’m going to share this with you now.
Take a challenging situation:
- What are the thoughts you have about this situation?
- What are the feelings you experience?
- What thought would you like about this situation?
- What are the feelings you would feel if you had these thoughts?
Nothing in our life will ever change if we continue to engage with the old thoughts and resulting feelings. If we find ourselves complaining about the same things, the same people, the same challenges, then that state of mind will continue to support that reality. If we want to change that reality, we need to change our minds, our thoughts, our feelings and our behaviours.
The part of the mind that houses the old thoughts is your subconscious. It is also called the habitual mind, because these thoughts reinforced become habitual thinking, and that is why it is not always easy to start changing the mind.
Firstly, it can be helpful to reframe the way we are seeing a situation. Discussing it with a good friend can perhaps help us to see the situation differently.
Choosing the thoughts you would like to have and reinforcing them every day, perhaps as affirmations or in meditation, writing the vision with your new thoughts and reading it every day, imagining your life without the challenge, are all ways to start to change the habitual mind. Catching yourself when you start to think the old thoughts again, and saying to yourself “No, that is the old way of thinking, we aren’t doing that anymore.”
Consciously creating the feelings to go with your new thoughts will create the energy for you to start to inhabit a new reality. This then results in new behaviours.
I love this knowledge because it means we can change what we want to change – we are more powerful than what we realise. It does not mean we can control the world, simply our responses and experiences of it.
A midwife recently told me how breastfeeding complications have lowered during this time, as new mothers have less visitors and more uninterrupted time with their new babies. Some of my new parents have shared how they are enjoying the time with their baby, and have felt more confident with less noise and advice around them.
There are many ways we can look at things, and start to feel more relaxed and excited about welcoming our babies.
Love to you all during this time.
